Author Origin: Sudbury, ON
Page Count: 164
Genre: Memoir
Difficulty: Easy
Grade Level: 10-11
Key Talking Points: Mental health, healthy and unhealthy relationships, the Canadian military, family, disability
Sensitive Subject Matter: Depression, traumatic injuries, emotional abuse, miscarriage
I couldn't have realized how apt this novel choice was when I picked it up to read and review today. Today is Bell Let's Talk Day, a day dedicated to ending the stigma around mental illness. While I knew this novel was about marriage and the military (the subtitle of the memoir), I wasn't prepared for how much of the story would surround the author's struggles with depression. It is a very raw read, and Danielle Daniel is candid in her struggles with understanding herself without the support of those around her. She highlights flaws in the system intended to support those struggling with mental health and emotional issues while she has to put on a mask every day to keep going. When the mask does crack, she is repeatedly belittled and told to "get over it" and "make a change." This was the most heartbreaking for me as a reader, and ended up being the core reason I empathized with her through much of the other, less endearing parts of the story.
When I was lucky enough to hear Danielle Daniel speak about this novel, I asked her how she dealt with writing about people that are still very much in her life in a less than flattering way. She responded about how the people who are meant to be in your life will understand your need to write, and will hopefully see that you weren't writing to be hurtful - you were just telling your truth of the situation. Having read the book now, I can admire her courage even more in sharing such intimate parts of her life.
Summary: Danielle Fraser married young to a rising star in the Canadian military. Steve Daniel is handsome and charming and seems devoted to his school-teacher wife. The "honeymoon phase" of their marriage lasts longer than most, as Steve is sent on a tour overseas only a few weeks after their wedding and they don't get to actually be together much. However, the baggage they both bring to the marriage, from troubled family history to mental health issues, inevitably creeps between them, amplified by the added strain of the repeated separations and the fear inherent in having a loved one on active duty. From the first few pages the reader can tell that the marriage is crumbling. Steve's core characteristic is his loyalty, but it is loyalty to the military over his wife, over his son. Danielle constantly battles with her emotions, quoting sections from the military support document CF Deployment Handbook: A Practical Guide for Families to point out just how absurd the situation she is in is. Then everything changes as Steve suffers a tragic accident at work that forces everything into chaos. It could be just what the young family needs to pull together, or the thing that breaks them up for good.
My biggest issue with this text is that we are repeatedly barraged with all of the terrible moments in Steve and Danielle's life together. She hints at happiness that they shared at the beginning of their relationship, and even moments within all the stress and strain, but we never see them for more than a fleeting second. It is hard to really cheer for this marriage to succeed when there doesn't seem to be any redeeming qualities to it. Also, while it may be a function of the depression Danielle suffers from, I was mad at her for most of the book that she constantly put the blame on herself for the problems in their relationship. She does once and a while say things like she was "married to a man who didn't love [her] enough", recognizing that he isn't giving her the love she deserves after supporting all of his hopes and dreams while hers were pushed aside, not to mention standing by him through his injury and recovery (Daniel 138). More often, though, she says things like: "My biggest fear when I said yes to Steve's proposal was that I might fail at it. And now I had" (Daniel 121). Danielle, YOU didn't fail anything. You and Steve are a team, and he dropped the ball just as much as you did, maybe even more in his refusal to listen to or validate any of her emotions. It was sickening to read her describing him like a saint, how great he was as a man and a father, but then having all of his dialogue be unreasonably harsh to her, telling her to get over her depression, lose weight, suck up her grief, figure out her life, bottle up her emotions, move on, and maybe she should just leave if she can't handle his life choices. And he said these things when she was dealing with trauma herself, in so many ways. How was she supposed to cope with all of these repeated blows to herself and her family? Not to mention coping with no support from the person that should be her greatest support. Just "get over it"? Right. And I'm supposed to WANT her to be with him? I'm supposed to understand her struggles as she "still loved him" (Daniel 139). Ugh. Sorry for the rant, but this one really got to me. I know marriage isn't all sunbeams and fairy dust, and the strain on their marriage was abnormally large with everything they went through, but his words hurt in ways that were just cruel, and I wasn't even the one that lived it.
Teacher Note: As stated above, language wise, this is a fairly easy read. There are many avenues to investigate in terms of identity and character development, as well as an abundance of social issues that could be the inspiration for awareness campaigns, research projects, or persuasive speeches. However, if you are looking for an action packed story, this isn't it. Readers who need many inciting incidents leading up to a dramatic climax will probably not make it through this one, easy read or not. This novel is really for readers who are willing to invest the time to be there for a character through all the bad times, just in the hopes that there will be some sort of "good time" at the end of it all. Compassion is a must. There are also some issues with clarity in the timeline of certain moments, but they aren't terribly important moments, so the reader should just be okay with not understanding how they fit until they do.
Final Thought: While I won't say I didn't enjoy it, I will say I struggled with this one. That may be exactly what Danielle Daniel was going for. Why should she sugar coat all of the personal and familial pain she went through? But then I ask, besides the cathartic act of writing, why write it? What is the reason we have for reading this story? What do I learn, besides to be so grateful for everything I am privileged to have? Maybe I am not the target audience here, and Daniel is giving a voice to many people that have been largely voiceless, like military wives, the disabled, and those suffering from mental health issues. Maybe the fact that I don't get it makes her writing even more brave. Would love to hear your thoughts on this one...
📚 Ms. CAN Lit
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